Searching for Scapegoats: The Elephant in the Room

Me: What a day. The Russian ambassador shot dead in Turkey, callous murder at the Berlin Christmas market, continuing ISIS bloodshed across the Middle East. What a sad state of affairs.

Hypothetical Alt-Right Member Neo-Nazi: And you know who's to blame, don't you?

Me: Absolutely. Have you ever noticed that one demographic group is nearly always responsible every time there's a major atrocity like these?

HN: Of course! But no-one is willing to say it because it's not "politically correct". I'm sick of this PC bullshit which scares people like us into staying silent!
Me: Well, I'm not afraid to say it. All these attacks are clearly the work of the biggest threat to our society today...dudes.

HN: Yea- wait what

Me: Men. Chaps. Blokes. Specifically, angry, radicalised young men who turn to violence and latch on to a myriad of extremist causes, inflicting their violence on innocent civilians instead of looking critically at themselves and their own messed up worldview.

HN: No, no, no- it's clearly the Muslims' fault!

Me: Sandy Hook, the Charleston church shooting, Anders Breivik, the Aurora cinema shooting, Columbine, Virginia Tech, etc etc. All similar attacks following a familiar pattern of male violence against civilian bystanders, not one of them carried out by a Muslim.

HN: That's just circumstantial. Besides...

Me: Wait, so you're saying that we shouldn't demonise a massive group of people just because of the actions of a few extremists?

HN: Exactly.

Me: Phew!

HN: ...unless they're Muslims.

Me:  (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

It Ain't Easy Bein' Wheezy

I've always believed that some people are just born with immense natural talent. Usain Bolt has an innate aptitude for running, Stephen Fry's voice is inherently lovely, and Nigel Farage has an intrinsically smackable mug. 

As has been noted.

Trumpageddon 2016: Why the Electoral College Sucks

I'll let the Mexican press introduce this one:

Democrageddon 2016: The Voteocalypse

Well folks, we made it: Election Day 2016 is finally upon us! (if that exclamation point seems a little forced or sarcastic, it absolutely is)

44 Observations Whilst Watching Aloha

Welcome back. In this post, I'll be looking at the infamously crappy film Aloha.

Smugness: The Movie

Best of the Crests: Highs and Lows in Football Badges

No wait, come back!

In this author's humble opinion, football badges are an underappreciated art. Much in the same sense that flags are a unique opportunity to symbolically represent a country, so too are club badges. To see how much these little bits of colourful fabric matter, just look at how worked up some fans get when clubs propose changing their badges (admittedly, those two examples are both from Liverpudlian clubs, so perhaps it's just the usual Scouse histrionics).

Bastions of enlightened, well-reasoned thought

8 Reasons Why 30,000 Baht a Month Isn't So Bad After All

Let's begin with a confession: for my first full-time teaching job in Thailand, I accepted 22,000 a month. Yes, that's right: a 22 Grand Job.

The Double-Digit Tinny: A Review

Now as I'm sure you're aware, I'm no stranger to culinary adventure. If there's something new around that seizes my attention, I'll probably have a crack: Carpe Diem and all that bollocks.

It was in this spirit of intrepid gastronomy that I made my latest regrettable endeavour. Perusing the supermarket aisles in search of a Saturday night beverage to see in the new EPL season, I came across a new item which stopped me in my tracks.

What the deuce?

How to improve the Olympics

Every four years, the Olympics sees the world's best athletes coming together to compete at the very pinnacle of their sport.

Not to mention interminable opening ceremonies on the concept of peace. No, wait- environmentalism? Who evens knows.

It's all very warm and fuzzy, seeing athletes from around the world converging for a unique festival of sport. It's all very worthy. But let's be honest; because they're all so good, it can be bloody boring at times.

49 Observations Whilst Watching Green Lantern

Welcome again! Let me be your guide to the very worst in modern cinema, as I endure watch the 2011 movie "experience" Green Lantern.

50 Observations Whilst Watching Daredevil (2003)

2016: Marvel is a gravity-defying media behemoth, dominating silver and small screen alike. Whether it's making mad bank at the box office or gritty, critically loved TV shows, Marvel can do no wrong. Hell, they even took the chubby loser from Parks & Recreation and turned him into a bona fide A-lister.

Well dayum

But it was not always this way. Let me take you back through the mists of time, to a land called February 2003. 50 Cent was a few weeks away from dropping In Da Club. George W. Bush was about to command a victorious coalition invasion into Iraq. Most importantly however, Marvel/20th Century Fox dropped Daredevil onto an unsupecting viewing public.

7-Eleven Proximity-Convergence Algorithm

7-Elevens are omnipresent in Thailand. The first arrived relatively recently in 1989, but the country already boasts more than 8469 stores. Whether you need to pay a phone bill, receive a much-appreciated blast of sub-antarctic air conditioning on a hot day, or partake in a toasted egg, ham, and cheese sandwich at 3 in the morning (hey, I'm not judging), Thai 7-Elevens have got you covered.

You know you want it.

Teaching in Thailand: Syphilis Tests

It's that time of year again; the summer storms are gathering, England are eliminated from another major football tournament... and foreign teachers in Thailand are heading to their nearest hospital for their annual syphilis tests.

Brexit: Britain's Glorious Future

Like many of you, I was despondent about the EU Referendum result. Using my patented Crystal Bollocks technology, I've peered into the future to see what lays in store for us now that we have left the European Union. 

Artist's impression

Brexit and the Generation Gap

Less than a week on from the Brexit vote, and the country is still reeling. One of the more interesting aspects of the vote to leave Europe was the clear demarcation between younger and older voters.

Stark.

38 Observations Whilst Watching Under Siege 2: Dark Territory

Having recently enjoyed the first Under Siege (a.k.a. Die Hard on a ship), I decided to peruse Steven Seagal's second most impressive masterwork: Under Siege 2: Dark Territory (a.k.a. Die Hard on a train).

Oh, it's on.

Brexit: Bloody Hell

The results are in. Britain will leave the European Union. 

Pretty much my reaction.

EU Referendum Warning Klaxon

After weeks and months of fervent campaigning, the EU Referendum is finally taking place in the UK tomorrow. Will we remain a part of the EU? Or will we vote to leave, stick our collective oars in the English Channel, and paddle furiously out to the Atlantic Ocean whilst flipping off the continent with our remaining digits?

All in all, it's been a worrying campaign throughout- even before the outrageous murder of Jo Cox last week. Naturally, much of the venom has been targeted at immigrants and refugees.

For goodness sake.

Stanford, Rape, and Us

EU Referendum: "Changing Our Culture"?

KFC Chizza

Feeling peckish, I recently visited KFC (as is my want) to grab some of their delicious fried crack chicken. On my way in, I was stopped in my tracks by this sign:

W-w-w-whaaaaat?

Premier League Autopsy - Best of the Rest (3/3)

After looking at the heroics of Leicester (and lack thereof from United), in this final Premier League Autopsy I'll be rounding up the highs and lows from elsewhere in this frankly ridiculous EPL season.

Premier League Autopsy - Manchester United (2/3)

Hot Summer

Newsflash: it's been really hot in Thailand lately.

40 Observations Whilst Watching Eat, Pray, Love

Or as I call it, PRIVILEGE: THE MOVIE

Premier League Autopsy - Leicester (1/3)

From falling titans to minnow-champions, 2015-16 has perhaps been one of the most exciting Premier League seasons ever. In this first part, I'll be looking back at Leicester City's sensational rise to the Premier League title.

Bloody Nora.

THAILAND SAVAGELY BROWBEATEN IN COMMENT SECTION

Bangkok - The nation of Thailand was subjected to a vicious and sustained online assault yesterday by a number of foreign men.

One internet witness- who wished to remain anonymous- said "I was casually browsing Facebook when I read an article about that English family who got beaten up in Hua Hin over Songkran."

"I clicked on the comment section, expecting to see the usual 'Land of smiles?!?' witticisms- but it was much more aggressive than that. I could hardly watch."

11 Things I Noticed in Los Angeles

About a month ago, I returned to the U.S.A. for the first time in about seven years. Needless to say, lot had changed in that time. When I was last there, I was an incredibly gawky student celebrating an improbable win for a fresh-faced Barack Obama. I returned as a *marginally* less gawky adult, watching in despair as the U.S.A. seemed poised to follow Obama with an irredeemable maniac in an elaborate practical joke on itself.

Coming to America

I arrived at the airport with the usual ball of excitement, fear, and tension churning in the pit of my stomach. I know that for most people, this is an enjoyable part of the trip. Personally, this is the precise moment when my ticket starts to look more like a betting slip, guaranteeing only the possibility of travel. What if I were to trip up the curb as I left the taxi and break my leg? What if some hitherto unidentified computer glitch erroneously assigned me to the no fly list? A veritable buffet of potential pitfalls could see me standing shell-shocked in a departure lounge, wondering why I'd bet 30,000 THB on such a perilous hand.

Republican Primaries 2016

Devon Stevens: Welcome to tonight's show. I'm your host, Devon Stevens. As the Republican primaries continue apace, we check in with our head reporter Chad Vonoverbro. Chad, what's the latest?

Chad Vonoverbro: Thanks, Devon. Well, there's only one person that we can begin with tonight, as the media has the attention span of a toddler and focuses upon the colourful thing which makes the most noise.

"And I can make a YUGE noise."

34 Observations Whilst Watching Sex & The City 2

1) Gratuitous shoe shot in the first 30 seconds.

2) Casual homophobia. But it's OK, because the gay guys are in on the joke.

3) Liza Minelli performing 'Single Ladies'. There isn't enough cringe in the world.

4) Carrie's husband looks like cheap Alec Baldwin AND he left her at the alter? Oy vey.

5) AWFUL lady banter. Worth noting that this movie is written by a dude called Martin.

The Immigration Officer

The room was cold and hostile in the way that only bureaucratic government offices can be. Nobody wanted to be here, and yet everybody was compelled to stay. There was a faint smell of cleaning alcohol and a palpable sense of tension in the air. Numbers were barked intermittently over a crackling microphone, struggling to be heard over the background buzz of forced small-talk. Some people sat wearily in uneven rows of chairs; others restlessly stood against the wall. The room was finely balanced between administration and chaos, order and anarchy.

Fame

"Fame, makes a man take things over

Fame, lets him loose, hard to swallow" - David Bowie

"When I grow up I wanna be famous

I wanna be a star, I wanna be in movies" - The Pussycat Dolls

Confessions of a Failed Vegetarian

I once tried being vegetarian. This is where it went wrong.

Flags

Disclaimer: This is about to get nerdy. We're talking Fun with Flags nerdy.

Best (and Un-best) Movies of 2015

Here are some of my favourite movies from the last year, plus a deserved kicking for some of the more piss-poor efforts.

The Best

Star Wars: The Force Awakens

The moment your childhood was waiting for.