Donald J. Trump. Described by John Oliver as "an old piece of luggage covered in cheese-wiz", and "a clown made of mummified foreskin and cotton candy", The Donald has now remarkably ensconced himself as the leading front-runner in the race for the 2016 Republican presidential nomination. This is in spite of the fact that he has little if any political experience, or that his personality can be most kindly described as "abrasive", or that before his latest crack at office he was most prominently known for being a bit flashy in the 80's and hosting a reality TV show. Donald is running a campaign against the odds, and he's winning? Who doesn't love an outsider?
Where once he was a leathery balloon inflated solely by his own ego, he's now a political heavyweight who's embarrassing and enthralling America in equal measure. "He's awful!", we say. "...Let's watch some more", we add.
Of course, he remains a cartoonish figure; chestnut of hue, with hair lightly thatched out of nothing more than whisps of purest greed, and a unalterable expression of angry derision. He seems to bear the tragic affliction of being born without an 'indoor voice', solely addressing other humans through the medium of yelling and finger-jabbing. Many people (including myself) enjoyed the Trump campaign for a while. It was undeniably absurd. It made the GOP look crazy, as it was forced to respect him as an actual contender for the nomination. The longer the campaign went on, the more bizarre it became.
But now the elections are less than a year away. and he's still there. He has support. He's leading in the Republican polls. And those of us who laughed are now looking askance at the news with an increasingly concerned glint of fear in our eyes. To most rational observers, the continued popularity of the Donald challenges all we'd previously come to accept about reality.
There is a lot about him that just doesn't make sense. He rails against immigrants, despite the fact that two of his grandparents were German, his mother was Scottish, and two thirds of his wives hailed from Europe. He's a man of the people, who started out with a "small" million dollar loan from his dad. He portrays himself as a shrewd businessman, despite having to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy not just once, but FOUR times. Trump is an oxymoron (admittedly, some might just say he's simply a moron).
As an exercise in absurdity, the Trump campaign has been a gift. On a weekly basis (sometimes more often), Donny T can be relied upon to say something laughably awful. This week it was an especially successful double wammy; first, he announced that he would ban Muslims from immigrating to the US if he was President. This is overlooking the seemingly minimal problems of a) practicality b) morality c) the Constitution of the United States of America.
However, arguably even more preposterous was his assertion that police fear for their lives in certain areas of London due to radicalised Islam. This is despite the fact that Fox News already had to issue an apology this year after making a similar claim about Birmingham. Whilst Trump's claim itself laughably false on its own merits, even better was the ensuing shit-kicking he received from pretty much every non-UKIP voter in the UK.
David Cameron- who, the records will show, is not the most liberal of people- labelled Trump as simply "wrong". The police said that "We would not normally dignify such comments with a response", before giving a thorough roasting. Even Boris Johnson, undoubtedly the most buffoonish figure in modern British politics, managed to land a direct hit with a witheringly pithy riposte:
Of course, this widespread derision only fires Trump up further. Criticism fuels Donald; he's an internet troll made flesh. Any publicity is good publicity. Were it not for our attention (negative though it is), he would be defused and have the same political clout as a drunken uncle at Thanksgiving. But of course, he's far too entertaining; the press hang on his every word, because he makes good copy for the news cycle. The very fact that I'm annoyed enough to write this shows that he's winning.
In many ways, his continued popularity makes you question your sanity; it flies in the face of conventional human behaviour. Statements made by The Donald render words devoid of sense and expose the frailty of language to convey meaning. Look at this recent example:
This is a feature of The Donald. He says things that are demonstrably untrue, is widely refuted, and yet emerges seemingly unscathed. He is less a person than an idea; a projection for the hatreds of many within the Republican party and western society in general who fear modernity, multiculturalism and tolerance, lest it threaten their notions of 'tradition'. He will not go down because he is not really there; he's merely a conduit for humanity's worst impulses, and slings and arrows will pass right through him.
Of course, none of us know what the future holds in store. But for the sake of preparedness I've envisioned a rough approximation of a worst case scenario:
1) February: Trump crushes Iowa caucus, praises the state for "classy" decision making.
2) March-July: as fellow GOP candidates drop out, Trump laughs at "losers" who dared stand in his way.
3) August: Trump announces Sarah Palin as his running mate.
4) November: Trump wins election. Death of satire after long battle with reality.
5) December: Trump pre-emptively releases plans for new renovations to the White House.
7) February, 2016: Brings about nuclear holocaust whilst attempting to play hardball with "chumps" in Russia, China, and North Korea simultaneously.
8) March, 2016: Owing to his cockroach-like constitution, Trump survives the nuclear destruction of humanity. Lives out the remainder of his days in Scrooge McDuck-esque pool of gold.
No comments:
Post a Comment