Best of the Crests: Highs and Lows in Football Badges

No wait, come back!

In this author's humble opinion, football badges are an underappreciated art. Much in the same sense that flags are a unique opportunity to symbolically represent a country, so too are club badges. To see how much these little bits of colourful fabric matter, just look at how worked up some fans get when clubs propose changing their badges (admittedly, those two examples are both from Liverpudlian clubs, so perhaps it's just the usual Scouse histrionics).

Bastions of enlightened, well-reasoned thought

Whilst the basic tenets of flag design might be fairly easy (simple, distinctive, limited colour palette), is far more tricky. What colours should it include? Any symbols of your club or area? Should it be intricate, or minimalist? Should it include the name of your team, or does that look too desperate? Club motto (preferably in Latin to make you look more sophisticated than you really are)? There's no secret recipe for badge design, but you sure as hell know a particularly good/bad badge when you see it.

With these considerations in mind, here's a review of some of the best, worst, and weirdest badges in world football:

The Good

Let's start close to home, in England. Being as fair and objective as I am, I'm going to look at my own team first.

Manchester United

It's got a simple colour scheme, a symbolic nod to Manchester's shipping industry (and the club mascot), and just enough scrolling to add detail without being too tacky. Combine that with a simple and clear font, and you've got a winner.

Much as it pains me to say it, however, rival clubs have done sterling work on their redesigns in recent years. First, let's look at...

Chelsea

Ok, let's do the fun part first: look at just how crap the old badge was. I presume that yellow thing is supposed to be a lion, but it's so badly designed and shaded that it's honestly difficult to tell what it is. However, the lion-squiggle thing is obviously so inherently important to the design that the lettering has been moved to different levels to accommodate it. I mean, why else would you distribute your letters like that? That's another thing: no words, just the letters CFC. Now I'm not a hardcore fan of Chelsea, so when you say the letters CFC it conjures up images of dodgy fridges and deodorants from the 70's pumping shit into the atmosphere. Put simply: it's a piss-poor badge.

Compare it with the new design. The lion is central to the picture, much clearer, and holy crap, is it breathing fire? I don't know, but it looks good- even if it is carrying a curtain rod with a polo stuck on the end. The font is clear and crisp, and like the Man United badge it has just enough flourishes without being too gaudy.

Manchester City

Again, my bias is undoubtedly showing, but look at that badge on the left and tell me it's not utter gash. The eagle (?) looks like he's just being rudely de-feathered behind the shield, there's an unsightly TM incorporated into the badge, and the motto is written in a font that screams "I will be badly tattooed onto a number of mindless fans". The biggest sin, of course, is the conspicuous three stars at the top; some clubs add them to their badges to signify the number of European titles or World Cups won, which is absolutely fair enough. City's old badge? Straight from the club itself: "The three stars above the eagle constitute a design element that relate a more continental feel to the design".

Presumably how those on the continent reacted upon reading the City press release

Then cast your eyes askance and tell me the new badge isn't better: cleaner, simpler, and- dare I say it- actually rather nice.

What happens when the objective and subjective sides of my brain collide

Whilst the branding opportunities of the Premier League might have led to some of the best designs, a number of other clubs around the world have got it spot on:

Olymiakos

Only two colours, unmistakably Greek, a brooding/pissed-off looking Spartan(?) Badge win.

New England Revolution

Despite a godawful team name, this logo is on-point. 'Murica iconography? A football  soccer ball in the corner so everyone knows what your team's about? Nice artistic twist? Check, check, and check.

Zenit St. Petersburg

I've saved the best for last. Zenit's delightfully simple, baseball pennant inspired badge is a thing of beauty. Hands down my favourite badge in the wide world of football.

The Bad

A number of factors can spell death for a football badge: they can be too fussy, too bland, too garish... or just a bit shit.

*COUGH* old Columbus Crew logo *COUGH*

However, by far the most heinous crime to befall football badges would be what I term "Shitty Late 90's Video Game Icons"- the ones that look like they were randomly generated by a particularly soulless computer, replete with an unnecessarily corporate, polished look.

Saudi Arabia National Team

Ugh. Looks like a logo from PES before they could afford real rights.

China National Team

Ooph. This should belong to a shitty Counter Strike team.

Milton Keynes Dons

Actually, this one perfectly suits the ethos of the club.

The Weird

There is, of course, a beloved third category: the wonderfully insane. These badges don't have much in common with each other, despite being slightly batshit.

Alloa Athletic

"What symbol best represents our beloved football club?"

"A grimacing, jacked up wasp?"
"FUCKING BRILLIANT"

Esbjerg FC

Quite obviously designed at some point over 40 years ago and left untouched for posterity. Endearingly naff.

Burton Albion

A portly gentleman kicking a football gets my endorsement every day of the week. If anybody from Burton is reading, I'm available for competitively priced modelling.

FC Puuma Tallinn

Who needs symbolism? Whack a PNG file of a puma onto your crest and call it a day.

Prachuap FC

ANOTHER grimacing, jacked-up wasp? Maybe this is more common than I suspected...