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| Smugness: The Movie |
How could a breezy rom-com with likable stars have such a bad reputation?
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| Yeesh |
1) Retro 20th Century Fox logo. Already trying far too hard and the movie hasn't even started.
2) Credits: what a cast! What a waste!
3) No, Bill Murray! What are you doing here?!
4) No, Jim from the office! What are you doing here?!
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| That look of concern is because he's just been handed the final script. |
5) Unintelligible pilot banter. Great dialogue to open a movie with.
6) Precocious kids = movie death. It's supposed to convey confidence and whimsy, but real kids don't act that way because they'd be mercilessly bullied.
7) Danny McBride: even after a shave, still skeezy as fuck and making sex jokes with kids. #classy
8) Weird shift in tone: lol, bantz, jokes, COFFIN OF A SERVICEMAN
9) McAdams: "Gracie's 12. This is my [dude] friend, who I haven't seen in 13 years" Hmmmmmmmmm I wonder if that math turns out to be significant later
10) Hawaii is pretty, duh. But it's hard to escape the feeling that they spent the almost the entire budget on the cast and locations.
11) Emma Stone: "My dad's half Hawaiian and half Chinese". Sure, and I'm Elvis Presley
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| You're beautiful, quirky, and 100% caucasian, Emma. |
12) He's hacking her phone to listen in on her phone call to her mother. The start of a classic romance.
13) Middle-class white families bantering in movies are just unbearable.
14) Again, the nice locations are pretty much the only thing redeeming feature of this movie.
15) Emma's character bio consisted of the word 'Perky' written on an A4 piece of paper. YOU'RE A BETTER ACTRESS THAN THIS
16) Man, this dialogue is taking 90-degree shifts in tone every minute.
17) Our white protagonists wander into a village. [Subtext: 'these ethnics are scary']
18) "I give you my word" - you're not even in a leadership position, Emma. That's not how the army works.
19) WHAT DID THOSE TRIBAL GHOST THINGS HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING
20) Oh wow, turns out McAdams and Bradley did have history after all OMG
21) A boy: "Why would anybody break up with my mom?". Says no child ever. Stop it.
22) McAdams' daughter practices Hawaiian dance- isn't cultural appropriation fun?!
23) What is a General doing at a party like this?
24) General Arec Bawdwin requests Everybody Wants To Rule The World. Subtle.
25) I've been watching for at least an hour and I'm still not sure what's really going on.
26) Looks like the director is ripping off Lost in Translation a bit. Look, I don't care how many 80's tunes this DJ plays- in no way is Bill Murray wooing Emma Stone.
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| Although I admit, this was a better part of the film |
27) Why is Bradley dating Emma now? You guys have no chemistry together.
28) Wait, Bradley has somebody else's toe grafted unnecessarily onto his foot? I mean I know diddly shit about science, but I'm pretty sure that's not how human biology works.
28) Emma and Bradley dicking about with a Vietnamese hat. Cultural appropriation is fun, Part 2
29) My initial attempt at summarising the plot so far: Emma is angry at Bradley because he's working for Bill Murray who is going to build rocket launchers (?) in Hawaii, and the rockets may have weapons on them. I believe this makes her the first ever pacifist fighter pilot.
30) "Let's cast the guy who plays Jim in The Office" "Great idea, he's hilarious!" "Thanks! But I'm actually making his character into a surly, aggressive dick who may be depressed" "...huh"
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| Come on man, make a quip and stare into the camera! |
31) Oh my god, the thing I called back in 9) is confirmed. Who could've guessed?!
32) Now Bradley is at a ceremony to move the Hawaiian bones so they can build a gate so Bill Murray can build factories for his rocket base? Sure.
33) Wait, if the launch pad is hundreds of miles on a rig in the sea, why do they need to build a new base specifically on a Hawaiian graveyard?
34) Why is Bradley launching the rocket? I'm so confused
35) No wait, the Chinese were trying to hack it, and Bradley single-handedly counter-hacked it. This is the first time they've ever mentioned that he's good with computers.
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| Only marginally less stupid than this. |
36) AND NOW HE'S BLOWING UP THE SATELLITE BY BOMBARDING IT WITH STOCK FOOTAGE
37) Again- if Emma's so opposed to weapons, then why is she in the US military?
38) This hilarious Arec Bawdwin scene is legitimately the only enjoyable moment of the movie.
39) Wait, I thought Bradley was about to be arrested/court-martialled, but now he's free to come catch up with McAdams?
40) Jim's letter sounds awfully like it was written by Simple Jack.
41) "Just stay away from [Emma]. That's an order" I wonder if he'll immediately run to go see her?
42) OMG I was right
43) Bradley never actually told that girl that he was her dad, so now he's just her mom's creepy friend watching her dance through a window.
44) This film did not need a post-credits scene.
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