11 Things I Noticed in Los Angeles

About a month ago, I returned to the U.S.A. for the first time in about seven years. Needless to say, lot had changed in that time. When I was last there, I was an incredibly gawky student celebrating an improbable win for a fresh-faced Barack Obama. I returned as a *marginally* less gawky adult, watching in despair as the U.S.A. seemed poised to follow Obama with an irredeemable maniac in an elaborate practical joke on itself.

Coming to America

I arrived at the airport with the usual ball of excitement, fear, and tension churning in the pit of my stomach. I know that for most people, this is an enjoyable part of the trip. Personally, this is the precise moment when my ticket starts to look more like a betting slip, guaranteeing only the possibility of travel. What if I were to trip up the curb as I left the taxi and break my leg? What if some hitherto unidentified computer glitch erroneously assigned me to the no fly list? A veritable buffet of potential pitfalls could see me standing shell-shocked in a departure lounge, wondering why I'd bet 30,000 THB on such a perilous hand.

Republican Primaries 2016

Devon Stevens: Welcome to tonight's show. I'm your host, Devon Stevens. As the Republican primaries continue apace, we check in with our head reporter Chad Vonoverbro. Chad, what's the latest?

Chad Vonoverbro: Thanks, Devon. Well, there's only one person that we can begin with tonight, as the media has the attention span of a toddler and focuses upon the colourful thing which makes the most noise.

"And I can make a YUGE noise."

34 Observations Whilst Watching Sex & The City 2

1) Gratuitous shoe shot in the first 30 seconds.

2) Casual homophobia. But it's OK, because the gay guys are in on the joke.

3) Liza Minelli performing 'Single Ladies'. There isn't enough cringe in the world.

4) Carrie's husband looks like cheap Alec Baldwin AND he left her at the alter? Oy vey.

5) AWFUL lady banter. Worth noting that this movie is written by a dude called Martin.

The Immigration Officer

The room was cold and hostile in the way that only bureaucratic government offices can be. Nobody wanted to be here, and yet everybody was compelled to stay. There was a faint smell of cleaning alcohol and a palpable sense of tension in the air. Numbers were barked intermittently over a crackling microphone, struggling to be heard over the background buzz of forced small-talk. Some people sat wearily in uneven rows of chairs; others restlessly stood against the wall. The room was finely balanced between administration and chaos, order and anarchy.