40 Observations Whilst Watching Eat, Pray, Love

Or as I call it, PRIVILEGE: THE MOVIE

Very occasionally, I'll willingly expose myself to a truly terrible movie. I find it to be a helpful palate cleanser for my usual movie diet, and a reminder that however bad many movies are, at least they're not this bad. Plus, there's something incredibly joyful about kicking the shit out of a bad movie. I previously chronicled  Sex & The City 2, which was gut-wrenchingly woeful. This time, I watched a movie even more conceited and less self-aware: Eat, Pray, Love. Here are some thoughts I had whilst watching the movie.

1) Cambodian boat people wanted to talk to a psychologist about their relationships. Sure. "They're just like us!" (By the way, this was in the opening monologue. Less than two minutes into the movie and I was already tempted to whack myself in the head with the remote)

2) Wait, the main character is just the lady who authored the book? Frightfully self-indulgent.

3) What a staggeringly poor waste of Viola Davis.

4) Seems like she's pretty happily married until he says he wants to study for a Masters, then two minutes later they're divorced? Christ alive.

5) "My life is such a mess" YOU'RE A PROFESSIONAL WRITER, SHUT UP

6) If James Franco were phoning this in any harder, he'd be wearing a headset.

7) I'm rooting for Julia Roberts' ex-husband. Is that what I'm supposed to be doing?

8) "I used to have a passion for food, now I've lost my spark! So I'm going to Italy" 
a) Don't you live in New York City, one of the finest places for food on the planet?
b) THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS

9) So according to this movie, Italy is basically a third world country without hot water.

10) *correction* Italy is full of men in suits fighting for Espressos

11) Of course she instantly hits it off with the only other white, blonde lady in Italy

12) "Oh look, street harassment! How quaint!"

13) Musical montage of her eating spaghetti bolognese. Is this middle-aged White lady wish fulfillment?

14) If these Italians were any more stereotypical, they'd be plumbers called Mario and Luigi.

15) *man slaps her arse in public* "Oh that's just Lorenzo from my apartment building." Oh that Lorenzo, such a crazy character! Lorenzo, what japes will you get up to next?!

16) Seven year old girl flips off Julia Roberts, instantly becomes my favourite character.

17) This scene in particular:
[Julia Roberts is looking at a dress]
Friend: You should get it Liz
Roberts: [in Italian] For whom?
Friend: For *you*
ARRGGHHHH

18) Julia's eating food on the floor like a Bohemian in celebration of her new-found freedom. YEAH BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T DO THAT AT HOME

19) Drives to a vineyard in a Citroen 2CV. Because they're in Europe and we don't have modern cars or something? What even is this horseshit?

20) Italian guy forgot to defrost the turkey. Because he's Italian and they can't organise anything, get it?!?!

21) Newsflash: India is hot and crowded.

22) Subtext: uhhh, there's so much poverty in India. Ewwwwww. So "earthy" and "authentic"

23) "I just came here from Rome, and I feel more disconnected than ever"- This just in, white New Yorker feels out of place in Indian ashram.

24) "I just don't *feel* anything"- jeez, it's almost as if this is something culturally alien to you and your fetishisation of Indian culture is superficial at best

25) Turns out arranged marriages are alright after all, because Liz/Julia gets some "perspective"

26) She's wearing a sari and a jewel on her forehead. Cultural appropriation is fun!

27) Oh my goodness, she actually just had a deep spiritual connection with an elephant.

28) Of course she brought her Sony Vaio to an ashram. Because you need that.

29) I'm in Bali now! I'm going to ride a bicycle everywhere! Isn't this Bohemian and FUN?!

30) What's that, you were in a car accident? We don't have bandages or stitches, drink this tea and we'll wrap a banana leaf on that shit.

31) "Come out tonight, there'll be expats, locals..." Ding ding ding, bullshit bingo!

32) Deja vu: a staggeringly poor waste of Javier Bardem. 

Dammit Javier, you're an Oscar winning actor! What are you doing in this dross?

33) A drink in a bag, isn't Asia funny!

34) "I have 49 stamps in my passport" OH, LET ME BOW DOWN BEFORE YOU, GREAT LIZ

35) When they parade a Durian in front of you like it's Martian produce

36) Ugh, Javier is basically a digital nomad.

37) Javier's son: "So, have you had sex with her yet?" SAID NO SON TO HIS FATHER EVER

38) She sends one email to her white friends and has $18,000 to give to her new-found Indonesian friend. "I waved my magic wand and solved your problems for you! You're welcome!"

39) By the way, 8 year old daughter of the new-found friend speaks *excellent* yet sassy conversational English. Who'd a thunk it.

40) "I don't need to love you to prove that I love myself!" Damn, that'd have emotional weight if it wasn't also really self-centred and not at all what this argument was about.

In conclusion, Rotten Tomatoes was overly generous.