11 Things I Noticed in Los Angeles

About a month ago, I returned to the U.S.A. for the first time in about seven years. Needless to say, lot had changed in that time. When I was last there, I was an incredibly gawky student celebrating an improbable win for a fresh-faced Barack Obama. I returned as a *marginally* less gawky adult, watching in despair as the U.S.A. seemed poised to follow Obama with an irredeemable maniac in an elaborate practical joke on itself.



Politics aside, there were many semi-forgotten things I kept noticing in L.A. that made me delight or despair. Here are some of them:

1) Orange Juice Quantities

Shortly before coming out, I watched the Eddie Murphy movie Trading Places. One of the more unbelievable parts of the movie (apart from the word "negro" being casually thrown around by white people) was that the climax of the movie finds our protagonists hitting it big on the commodities market by betting on orange juice. Really? OJ?

Then I went to an American supermarket. There they were selling orange juice BY THE GALLON. Who needs that much OJ? It was whilst looking at these over-sized plastic drums that I realised humble orange juice was a commodity just as marketable as oil, and I realised I owed a huge apology to Dan Aykroyd.

To be fair, Mel Gibson did say something about Hollywood being run by juice

2) Sales Tax

You see something you want in a store, it costs $4.99. You have a $5 bill. Perfect.
But wait! Once you get to the counter, your purchase is suddenly $5.33 and a 1/4 of a cent, and you're scrambling around your change looking for dimes and nickels like a giant bungling tit whilst the line behind you pours silent scorn upon the back of your head.

California legislature, I implore you: if you must have a sales tax (and you should, your state is basically broke), please just make stores include it in the ticket price so that tourist losers such as myself don't end up with a small chest of unspendable loose change at the end of their trip.

3) Public Transport

I currently live in Chiang Mai, where true public transportation is fairly limited. There are converted pick-up trucks with seats in the back that you can share with other passengers, and that's about it. I've heard rumours that there's a city bus, but I've never seen it in over five years of living here. There are rumours every so often that we'll be getting a metro or skytrain system, but this would take a) massive investment, and b) a modicum of political will-power, both of which are currently in short supply.

Compare this with Los Angeles:

HOLY MOSES

There are a mind-bogglingly huge number of bus and train lines running throughout the city. Where we were staying in Santa Monica, we were within a couple of blocks of at least four different bus lines running across the city. Next month, there's a brand new Metro line extension opening with a new station right nearby. For a city seemingly designed to accommodate the automobile, L.A. is seriously upping it's game with regards to public transport. And if these options aren't convenient, there's always:

4) Uber

Before I came, I'd never used Uber. When I was last here, people still used Myspace; now, people were summoning cabs on an iPhone app. Before I used Uber, it seemed less of a real thing and more of a media short-hand for urban yuppy-ness and a source of largely unfounded scare-stories. Having now used it myself, I bloody loved it; we never seemed to wait more than 5 minutes to get picked up, the cars were clean and new, and the drivers courteous and quiet (my favourite combination). Payment was instantly made via credit card,avoiding the aforementioned money fumbling. By contrast, we got stranded one night without a smartphone and had to make a 15 minute cab ride. It ended up costing $40. In the battle between taxi cabs and Uber, count me in the corner for digital disruption. And speaking of Uber...

5) Amazon Prime

Relenting to pressure, I signed up for a free trial of Prime just before I arrived. The day before I left I ordered a package, and it arrived at my mother-in-law's apartment faster than I did. Given a discount voucher and some heavily discounted products, I even had a crack on Prime Now, their new service which promised to deliver within two hours. Sure enough, around 30 minutes after confirming my order, an Uber driver pulled up outside with eggs, frozen goods, and a full pack of Coke Zero Cherry. Guys, this is what the future feels like.

I continued to do a fair bit of online shopping with Prime, and used their video service to watch the first season of Man in the High Tower, and finally got round to watching Band of Brothers in its entirety (incidentally, it probably *is* the best TV show ever made. Stunning.)

If I ever move back to the States long-term, I'm signing up again ASAP.

6) People Using Skateboards as an Actual Means of Transportation

This had completely slipped my mind. Admittedly you'd see these guys near college campuses more than other places, but skateboards were a fairly common sight. Not in an ironic 'oooh, aren't I so hip?' kind of way, but in a 'I'm just going about my business on this perfectly normal wheeled board'. They even rode them uphill, which seemed a little over-zealous but admirable nonetheless.

7) Racial Diversity

In Thailand, 90% of the population is either ethnic Thai or Thai-Chinese. The UK, where I'm originally from, is 87% white. By comparison, L.A. initially comes across as a post-racial melting pot where black, white, Hispanic and Asian people all come together in shared appreciation of sunshine, Mexican food, and feigning ignorance of all the homeless people (more on which later). We were staying near Little Osaka, just round the corner from a Japanese convenience store (perfect for spontaneous Asahi and Sapporo purchases) and upstanding sushi and karaoke bars. On the drive down Pico Blvd, I'd look out the bus window and notice that all the stores seemed to alternate between Orthodox Jewish and Chinese businesses and organisations. There were other parts of town that were had a strong Korean or Persian flavour- not to forget Thai town near Hollywood, of course:

Hell, when were in Santa Monica we took shelter from unseasonable drizzle inside a British tea rooms. Here we were a block from the Pacific ocean, and I was in a cafe selling scones and Cornish pasties. 

I know that this is a massively simplification of race relations in America, and as a white British dude I have a far from a complete understanding. All that aside, it was nice being somewhere that seemed to be both incredibly diverse and yet unmistakably American.

8) Garbage Chutes

Yes. Why would I take my trash downstairs by hand like some sort of schlub when gravity can do the hard work for me? Plus, there's nothing more satisfying than casting yesterday's smelly garbage into the abyss. Garbage chutes are, in my opinion, one of the shining lights of Western civilisation.

9) Glaring Income Inequality and Homelessness

This took some getting used to. When I was last living in Los Angeles, I was all the way out in Claremont; a leafy town which prides itself on an abundance of "trees and PhDs". It's largely white and middle-class, though in more of an NPR/Whole Foods kind of way than a Fox News/Chick-Fil-A kind of way. Nevertheless, it's fair to say that it's both incredibly lovely and also completely unrepresentative of Los Angeles as a whole.

Pictured: not your average Los Angeles intersection

This time, we were staying in a nice neighborhood in western L.A., with a Starbucks across the street and a breezy ten minute drive from UCLA and Beverly Hills. Nevertheless, there were still around half a dozen homeless people living in the immediate area, and many more people visiting the social security office further down the road. In Los Angeles, homelessness is omnipresent; if you use public transport, homeless people are impossible to ignore as they board with carts loaded with recyclable trash and clothing. At the same time, you get the feeling that looking the other way is exactly what you're supposed to do. In a city with so much fabulous wealth on display, you're not supposed to look at those who didn't make it.

Sometimes though, the contrast is particularly jarring. On a non-descript back-street near our apartment, there was a repair shop for luxury cars. We walked past it almost everyday to get the bus, and I'd stare slack-jawed at the dented vehicles awaiting patch-ups: Bentleys, Ferraris, Lambourghinis, not to mention Teslas by the dozen. Right next to the garage, there was a homeless guy camped out for a couple of nights; his tent was set back off the street in a recess between the auto shop and an insurance company office block.

Then there was the time we decided to explore downtown. It looked so easy on the walking tour marked out in our Lonely Planet guidebook (famous last words). We emerged from Pershing Square station to what can only be described as a powerful stench of urine. There were about a dozen homeless people hanging out in the entrance of the station, some drying their laundry on the nearby fences. One of the guys appeared to catcall me, which was an interesting experience. This continued for several blocks; piss and danger were tangible in the air. We happened upon an incongruous a marketplace and, shamefully, I was greatly relieved by the presence of LAPD officers. We doubled back a few blocks, and within ten minutes found ourselves outside the Walt Disney Concert Hall. There were galleries and theaters all around. A cart outside was selling artisanal ice-cream.

It seemed crazy to me that these two worlds could be so close geographically and far apart in terms of their wealth.

In summary: below red line = piss and poverty, above red line = galleries and gelato

10) The Sheer Array of Fast Food Choices

Ok, so I hadn't forgotten about this-how could I? But it's easy to overlook just how much fast food there is, absolutely everywhere. There's a Subway on practically every block, for crying out loud. Being not particularly discerning, I dove in headfirst and partook in Carl's Jr., Panda Express, Taco Bell, Jack-in-the-Box...you get the idea. Regrettably I didn't even get round to trying Chipotle (though admittedly that's probably for the best). 

The jewel in the junk-food crown though was undoubtedly In-N-Out. I tried it for the first time during this trip, and it was so deliciously brilliant that I ended up eating it three more times before I came home.

Pictured: Nirvana in burger form

I loved everything about it: from the perfectly minimalist menu down to the free little peppers they put out. Consider me converted.

Of course, after eating this much beef and cheese in a single sitting one needs to do some exercise...

11) The Ease of Walking

Wide, unbroken sidewalks. A balmy climate with perfect blue skies. The general observance of traffic laws. Yes, I would argue that Southern California is pretty much the most perfect place in the world to be a pedestrian. Whilst it's not exactly as charming as Paris or Barcelona, I could have happily strolled for hours.

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So there it is, the good and the less-so-good. Whilst it was a bit of an ordeal to get there, I had the most amazing three and a half weeks mooching around the fine city of Los Angeles. Until next time, fair thee well, America.