Stevie G-sus Christ, Enough Already

Steven Gerrard recently played his last game for Liverpool at Anfield. Given the general level of fawning adulation and lack of proportionality, I thought I'd give my own more cynical interpretation.

(Full disclosure, I'm a not entirely unbiased Manchester United fan)





For weeks- nay, months- now, anticipation has been swelling regarding the departure of Steven Gerrard. He has been raised to God-like levels, and people have been desperately keen to give him a respectable send off. The F.A. Cup final was to be played on his birthday and could've been his last game, so there was a veritable campaign to 'get Stevie to the final'. This was unfortunately scuppered by Aston Villa, who clearly hadn't got the memo and unsportingly dumped Liverpool out at the semi-final. Coincidentally, Liverpool's talisman played that game, and his largely ineffective display arguably contributed to Liverpool losing the game.

Hehe.

Anyway, that was old history. Focus now turned to Stevie's last game at Liverpool, at home to the middling Crystal Palace. The stage was set, the banners out, the spotlights on.

I suppose this is a tribute? Ugh, I think I threw up a little bit.

Again, the only slight problem was that Liverpool lost. The whole match was set up like a testimonial; when Lallana scored, he didn't enjoy his moment in the sun but instead jogged back to celebrate with Stevie. In the end, they went down 3-1 at home to Crystal Palace; a team currently in 12th and with absolutely nothing to play for. The thing it wasn't a testimonial, and three points would've really mattered. If Liverpool had actually won the game- which they were playing at home against a team in the bottom half- then they could've been just three points behind United in the race for the final Champions League spot. European football is absolutely massive for a club like Liverpool, and to boot they could've put Man United into the Europa League. As it stands now, United are almost certain to get fourth and Liverpool will be, as the saying goes, playing on Thursday nights on Channel Five.

I know I've come across as petty and churlish, but I still acknowledge that Gerrard was (for many years) a fantastic footballer. His levels might have dropped off somewhat from his peak, but he's still an asset to many football teams. He's just not been that great for Liverpool this season. I'll leave it to an actual professional football writer with far more objectivity than myself to sum up his performance:

There were none of those surging runs of old. No big tackles, no match-defining moments and only one occasion when he took aim and actually hit the target...Mostly, he looked what he was: an ageing great, grateful for the adulation but unable to shape matches in the way that once came so naturally.

I suppose what has annoyed me more than anything else is the lack of any real perspective. For one thing, he's not dying; heck, he's not even actually retiring. In all of the mawkish wailing as Stevie finally trotted away from Anfield, people seem to be forgetting that he's not hanging up his boots. As many seem to have forgotten, Gerrard's heading off to play football for at least a couple more years with my favourite MLS Team, L.A. Galaxy. Heck, if I go to Los Angeles next year I might even head down to the StubHub Center and watch him rake one of his trademark Hollywood passes (coincidentally, only 25 miles from the bloody Hollywood sign itself). Don't remind Stevie that he's off to the MLS though- despite having no problem signing a contract with the Galaxy, he's thus far refusing to sign their shirts. Of course, this is merely reflective of his unwavering commitment to Liverpool FC.

What's that, he almost moved to Chelsea for more cash? Whodathunkit.

For all the good that Gerrard did- and even I'm willing to admit that he was a very good footballer- people seem to have overlooked the fact that there's an even better English midfielder leaving for the MLS at the end of this season.

I believe I'm obliged to label him 'Super Frankie'

Perhaps the reaction has been muted due to his 'halfway' loan move to Manchester City. Maybe it's because he played for the embarrassingly wealthy club that has been Abramovich's Chelsea. Maybe it's because he never developed a cult of personality to the same extent that Gerrard did. But there's no denying that Frank Lampard is a superior footballer, and even though he plays for our cross-team rivals (chavs who won the lottery), I'm personally more saddened by his departure than Gerrard's.

If I had any advice to Captain Leader Legend- sorry, Steven- it'd be to not think about it too much. He'll doubtlessly be able to come back in the MLS off-season in the very near future, and if not he just has to remember the unofficial Liverpool mantra: 'There's always next year'.