Election 2017: Democralypse Now

Well well, here we are again at another election day. For the third time in as many years, British people will be heading to the polls to irreversibly screw up the country have their say on issues of the day. But before we head to our nearest run-down community centre/primary school, perhaps we should take a step back and address some pressing questions. How did we get here? Who's involved? And just wtf is happening?

Midnight Diner: Tokyo Stories

Netflix is bloody brilliant. Though it can admittedly turn up some dross (a four-movie deal with Adam Sandler, anybody?), since moving into TV production it's had an uncanny run of success that many networks could only dream of: House of Cards, Stranger Things, Making a Murderer, and far more besides.

Pictured: How I imagine Netflix CEOs survey their digital dominions

Donald's Dodgy Dealings: 6 Times Trump Tanked

First, a confession. Originally this post was to be titled "Literally just 42 Awful Things About Donald Trump". It was an off-the-cuff list of all the different ways that Donald was terrible. Just terrible.

(I know Clint's a Republican but whatever)

Searching for Scapegoats: The Elephant in the Room

Me: What a day. The Russian ambassador shot dead in Turkey, callous murder at the Berlin Christmas market, continuing ISIS bloodshed across the Middle East. What a sad state of affairs.

Hypothetical Alt-Right Member Neo-Nazi: And you know who's to blame, don't you?

Me: Absolutely. Have you ever noticed that one demographic group is nearly always responsible every time there's a major atrocity like these?

HN: Of course! But no-one is willing to say it because it's not "politically correct". I'm sick of this PC bullshit which scares people like us into staying silent!
Me: Well, I'm not afraid to say it. All these attacks are clearly the work of the biggest threat to our society today...dudes.

HN: Yea- wait what

Me: Men. Chaps. Blokes. Specifically, angry, radicalised young men who turn to violence and latch on to a myriad of extremist causes, inflicting their violence on innocent civilians instead of looking critically at themselves and their own messed up worldview.

HN: No, no, no- it's clearly the Muslims' fault!

Me: Sandy Hook, the Charleston church shooting, Anders Breivik, the Aurora cinema shooting, Columbine, Virginia Tech, etc etc. All similar attacks following a familiar pattern of male violence against civilian bystanders, not one of them carried out by a Muslim.

HN: That's just circumstantial. Besides...

Me: Wait, so you're saying that we shouldn't demonise a massive group of people just because of the actions of a few extremists?

HN: Exactly.

Me: Phew!

HN: ...unless they're Muslims.

Me:  (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

It Ain't Easy Bein' Wheezy

I've always believed that some people are just born with immense natural talent. Usain Bolt has an innate aptitude for running, Stephen Fry's voice is inherently lovely, and Nigel Farage has an intrinsically smackable mug. 

As has been noted.